Middle-School Cool Read online

  Leo felt a little light-headed. Nobody had ever had this much confidence in him before. It made him a little giddy. “I … I guess I can do my best,” Leo said. He felt like he was jumping off a cliff.

  “Good man. I like your can-do attitude. I’ll issue you the camera at the end of class.”

  Leo floated back to his seat, slightly dazed, feeling wonderfully pumped up. What he didn’t know was that Mr. Mister needed to get a new prescription for his own thick glasses. He had misread “legally blind” as “legally blond.” Mr. Mister thought Leo felt his blondness was holding him back. His whole speech was to assure Leo that despite the blond jokes, blonds are not dumb and that the color of his hair should make no difference in his performance. It was probably better that Leo didn’t know about Mr. Mister’s mistake. Mr. Mister clapped his hands together.

  “All right, now that we’ve gotten the housekeeping taken care of, let’s learn a little about how to find a story. Before you can write it, you first have to know what makes a story. What is news? Well, news is simply information about recent events or recent developments of events that would be of interest to people. Sometimes people don’t recognize something as news because they don’t realize it’s something in which they should be interested. For that reason, it is important for a story to draw people in,” Mr. Mister explained. “The first few sentences should hook the reader. For instance, let’s say we wanted to write about the school auditorium catching fire.…”

  “Oh my God!” gasped Margo. “The auditorium is on fire?”

  “Why didn’t …,” Aliya squealed.

  “… the alarm go off?” Taliya squeaked. The three girls scrambled to the window to try to catch a glimpse of the flames.

  “I thought I smelled smoke, dagnabbit!” said the old prospector, snapping his suspenders. The old prospector had replaced the cowboy from yesterday. He wore jeans, boots, a flannel shirt with rolled-up sleeves, a felt hat, and a scruffy beard. It was an impressive disguise, but everyone was pretty sure it was Sam.

  “No, no, I’m just giving an example of how you might write a story if the auditorium were to catch fire,” Mr. Mister shouted above the excited chatter. “Take your seats, please! Leo, what are you doing at the whiteboard?”

  “I thought I was looking out the window.”

  “The window’s over here,” Jory said, leading Leo to it. “But you can’t see anything.”

  “That’s because there’s nothing to see,” Victoria said.

  “Not from this angle, anyway,” Jory agreed. “I think I can see a little better from out here.…” Jory climbed out onto the ledge.

  “How are we going to have school meetings without an auditorium?” Edie moaned. “Where will we put on performances? I hope we won’t have to resort to using the cafeteria.”

  “I bet they roll in some of those trailers,” Leo said. “The kind they set up when there’s a hurricane or an earthquake.”

  “I hate those things. They smell like wet socks, by gum!” the old prospector railed, shaking his fist.

  “Please! Class! You are overreacting!” Mr. Mister tried to shout above the fray, but his reedy voice was easily ignored.

  “I don’t know if anybody cares, because I know I don’t, but Jory is standing on the ledge outside the window,” Victoria announced.

  “Jory! No!” Aliya yelled.

  “Don’t jump!” Taliya hollered in the exact same tone as her sister. The twins reached out the window and pulled him inside.

  “I’m not going to jump … not this time. I’m not wearing a squirrel suit,” Jory said.

  “What’s a squirrel suit?” Margo asked.

  “It’s an outfit made of parachute material with cloth between the legs and under the arms to give more surface area to the body. People use them for skydiving and base jumping. It allows you to fly like a flying squirrel!”

  “Flying squirrels don’t fly, they glide,” Victoria corrected him.

  “Why are we all just sitting here like jerks? We’ve got to do something!” Ruben shouted, racing from the classroom. Moments later the fire alarm sounded and Ruben returned. Jory gave him a fist bump for his quick thinking.

  Mr. Mister held his head in his hands as though he were trying to keep it from splitting apart. He had given up. “All right, class, let’s line up quickly and march out to the courtyard.”

  As the students formed a line, Victoria sidled up to Mr. Mister and tugged on his sleeve.

  “I have your headline, Mr. Mister,” Victoria said drily. “ ‘Big Dumb Student Sets False Alarm, Idiots Follow Stupidly.’ ”

  “Well, it’s a bit long for a headline,” Mr. Mister said. “And a little opinionated.”

  “I’ll work on it.” Victoria followed the line out the door.

  “I want everybody to try to find a story to report on. That’s your homework assignment!” Mr. Mister called out.

  Nobody was surprised the next day when Victoria was the first one to hand in an article.

  VICTORIA’S STORY

  Bite Your Books

  By VICTORIA ZACARIAS

  Everyone knows that people take pills for many things: colds, headaches, vitamins, even bad breath. But a pill for information? This Monday students at Kaboom Academy were surprised to discover that instead of receiving hardcover books, or even digital books, they would instead receive them in pill form.

  One of the many teaching tools created by child development and education expert Dr. Marcel S. Kaboom, the pills were designed so that students would not have to waste time reading.

  “Nobody likes the process of reading,” explained seventh-grade English teacher Mrs. Silverstrini. “It tires out your eyes, you can’t find a comfortable position, and you keep losing your place. Dr. Kaboom realized it’s not the words on the page that are important, but the ideas those words convey. He has developed a faster and more efficient way to absorb them!”

  Students were at first unsure about taking books orally but gradually warmed up to the concept. Sixth grader Dillon Bourke liked the idea, pointing out that it will cut down on homework, leaving more time for extracurricular activities. Eighth grader Chad Bradley reminded others that things could be worse. “At least it’s not a suppository,” he remarked.

  First period, seventh-grade English. Mrs. Silverstrini waited for the sound of the gong to die down before speaking. “Good morning, everyone! Settle down, please!” After she got the students’ attention, Mrs. Silverstrini continued. “I’d like to go over the books we’ll be covering this semester. We’ll be starting with The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkien’s masterpiece. It follows the adventures of Bilbo Baggins in the fantasy world of Middle Earth. Then we’ll move on to 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Jules Verne’s classic about a couple of men held prisoner by the mysterious Captain Nemo. And as we head into the holiday season, we’ll finish up with Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol, a fable about stingy Ebenezer Scrooge and his strange visitation by three ghosts.”

  Mrs. Silverstrini headed to her desk, but suddenly she turned on her heel. “Whoops! I almost forgot! We’ll also be covering A Wrinkle in Time, Fahrenheit 451, A Separate Peace, Moby-Dick, Huckleberry Finn, Call of the Wild, The Yearling, The Red Badge of Courage, and To Kill a Mockingbird.”

  The students were appalled. “How can you expect us to get through all those books before winter break?” Leo complained. With his visual problems he had trouble getting through one book, let alone … how many was that? He counted on his fingers and gasped. “That’s twelve books!”

  Mrs. Silverstrini frowned. “Twelve? My goodness, I’m so sorry. Where is my head? I meant to include Hound of the Baskervilles, which is a marvelous Sherlock Holmes story, and my favorite classic tale of heroism, The Odyssey.” Now it was her turn to count on her fingers. When she was finished she nodded, satisfied. “Fourteen books in fourteen weeks. Perfect.”

  The tremendous groans emanating from the classroom rattled the lockers in the hallway. Only Victoria looked unperturbed.

>   “Oh my God,” Margo said, eyes wide. “We are not going to have any time to do anything else!”

  “Mrs. Silverstrini, we love reading …,” Aliya started. “… it’s our favorite hobby, after doubles tennis, that is …,” Taliya continued.

  “… and we both read at a high school level …,” Aliya bragged.

  “… but even we think this is asking way too much!” Taliya concluded.

  “Who said anything about reading?” Mrs. Silverstrini said slyly. She crossed to her desk and opened a small cardboard box on which was stamped KABOOM BOOKS. From the box she removed several packets; then she started moving up and down the aisles, handing them out. “These are book pills,” she said matter-of-factly. “Developed by Dr. Kaboom, they are a quick and efficient way to consume books, and don’t worry, they are one hundred percent safe. Go ahead, open them up!”

  The students opened their packets. Inside were fourteen pills, each a different color. They were shaped like little books. Under every pill was stamped the title of the book as well as the author’s name and the publisher.

  Edie peered at them warily. “What the heck are book pills?”

  “They’re exactly what they sound like. Books in pill form. You simply pop out whichever book you want to consume, swallow it, and within five minutes it will be as if you’ve read the book. You’ll know the plot, the characters, the dialogue and descriptions, everything.”

  “Whoa, that’s … that’s awesome!” Ruben said.

  “Indeed, it is an incredible breakthrough in edumechanics,” Mrs. Silverstrini agreed. “Go ahead, give it a try. The first book we’ll be taking is The Hobbit. If you look at your packet it’s the light pink pill at the top, on the far left, right over the words ‘The Hobbit.’ Now, just press on it, hard, and it should pop right through the foil on the other side.”

  “Who were they tested on?” Jory had already removed the Hobbit pill and was sniffing it suspiciously.

  “Volunteers,” Mrs. Silverstrini answered brightly. “Their parents signed a legally binding agreement with a non-litigation clause. That means if something goes wrong, they can’t sue.”

  Victoria frowned. “Wait a minute, are you saying that we are the test subjects?”

  “I really can’t elaborate without a lawyer present.” Mrs. Silverstrini gave a little shrug, conveying that the situation was out of her hands.

  “Ah, but what if we don’t take the pills?” said Merlin, stroking his long silver beard. Though this was the first time anyone had seen the wizard, who was dressed in a deep purple robe covered in stars and a matching pointed velvet cap that covered the silvery hair cascading down his back, Merlin’s eyes and height matched that of the cowboy and the old prospector.

  “That’s perfectly fine, Sam, I’m not going to force anyone to take them. That would be unconscionable. So here are the books in hardcover.” Mrs. Silverstrini bent over and lifted a large stack of books from the floor onto her desk. Then she bent over again and lifted up the rest of the books, placing them on the first stack, creating a wobbly tower. “You might have to make a couple of trips to get all these heavy books home. Good luck.”

  The students stared at the tower of books, then at the pills, then back at the tower of books. It was teetering dangerously. Mrs. Silverstrini noticed and straightened it up, which was difficult because the stack was taller than she was.

  “Can we have some water?” said Ruben.

  “They’re chewable,” said Mrs. Silverstrini.

  “Then down the hatch,” said Ruben, popping The Hobbit into his mouth. As he chewed, his face took on a thoughtful expression. “It tastes like … oatmeal with banana, brown sugar, butter, and a hint of cinnamon.… Hey, this is a really good book!”

  The other students quickly followed suit, chewing eagerly. Immediately the classroom was filled with exclamations of surprise as the pills disintegrated on their tongues, filtering into their stomachs to be fully digested by their minds.

  “I can’t believe poor Bilbo has to go on this journey,” Margo said with a laugh. “It’s so against a hobbit’s nature to be a hero.”

  “That’s the point,” Jory said. “He is an unlikely hero, but he rises to the occasion.”

  “Maybe it means that we all have the makings of a hero within us …,” Aliya said.

  “… and we only need the right circumstances for it to come out,” said Taliya.

  Victoria was the only one who hadn’t swallowed The Hobbit. That was because she had popped all the pills out and had forgotten which one it was. She knew it was pink, but there were four pills that were various shades of that color. Which one could it be?

  “You know, Gollum’s riddles really aren’t that good,” Ruben said. “I can come up with funnier riddles than that.”

  “Yes, you definitely can, because you’re hilarious,” Leo said, sucking up. “But these jokes aren’t supposed to be funny, they’re supposed to be brain twisters. It’s like a battle of wits.” Leo was overjoyed. For the first time in his life he had actually “read” a book without having to press it up to his nose. Dr. Kaboom was a genius.

  Victoria was desperate. There was a book discussion going on and she had not yet contributed. Even Margo, who was spectacularly wrong 98 percent of the time, was looking more intelligent than she was. Even Ruben with his big dumb fat head was looking sharper. Victoria made a decision. She mashed the four pink pills together on a piece of paper, sweeping the powder into her hand to lick off.

  The taste was horrible. She identified the oatmeal right away, but mixed into it was the spicy flavor of barbecue chicken and the unmistakable tang of tuna salad. A tinge of buttered popcorn was the final insult. At first she thought she was going to be sick, but she managed to choke it down.

  “Look, the most important theme of the story is the question of Bilbo’s development as a hero,” Victoria began after clearing her throat. “When he starts the story he is timid, but all that changes when he confronts the ghost of Christmas Past.”

  “Wait … what ghost of Christmas Past?” Edie interrupted.

  “The ghost! Surely that character hasn’t escaped your notice.” Victoria snorted. “Who do you think sends him on his quest down the Mississippi River with his escaped slave Moby-Dick? Hello?”

  “And does Bilbo finish that quest?” Jory said slowly and carefully, as though he were speaking to a toddler or a maniac.

  “Of course he does, dummkopf!” Victoria snapped sarcastically. “Even you must remember that great moment when Bilbo cries, ‘God bless us, every one!’ then twists his harpoon, becomes invisible, stabs Tom Sawyer, and gives Bob Cratchit a great big white whale for Christmas dinner.…”

  A dead silence fell over the room, and Victoria slowly became aware that everyone was staring at her.

  Margo broke the quiet. “Oh my God, you sound like me.”

  Immediately Victoria realized what had happened. All the characters and plots had gotten mixed up when she’d mashed the pills together. This was a major catastrophe. The class started to snicker. The snickers turned into chuckles, and then gales of laughter, rolling over each other like waves crashing on the shore. Suddenly the feeling of nausea returned.

  “Excuse me!” Victoria squeaked as she raced out of the room. “I have to sneeze!”

  Victoria flew down the hall and into the girls’ bathroom, quickly pushing the stall doors open one by one to make sure nobody was in there with her. Once she confirmed that she was alone, she crumpled to the floor, hugging her knees as she started to bawl.

  Drat! Why couldn’t she stop this uncontrollable crying? She had been cursed with this hideous problem for as long as she could remember, and it was made worse by the fact that she was so perfect in everything else.

  Early on, Victoria had been identified as academically gifted. She had learned to read sooner than everyone her age; she’d polished off an entire children’s encyclopedia before she’d even begun kindergarten. She could multiply three-digit numbers in her head and
beat any adult in chess. Victoria’s intelligence was not a great surprise to Victoria’s mother and father, Gloria and Oswaldo Zacarias, who had already had a son and daughter who were just as gifted as Victoria. Carlos and Andrea were both in high school by the time Victoria was born, and they were attending impressive universities by the time she was four, so Victoria did not get to know them very well. She grew up more like an only child, but with the knowledge that her siblings had set the bar very high and that she was expected to perform academically as well as they did.

  Victoria exceeded expectations. Once she started school, she flourished. In no time at all, it was obvious that she knew more than her teachers, and she wasn’t too afraid or polite to prove it. For a teacher, having Victoria Zacarias in your class meant certain humiliation. It meant feeling inadequate five days a week. That is, if the teacher even showed up five days a week. Teachers who had Victoria in their class took more sick days on average than other teachers. Some of them were driven to drink.

  Eventually the Zacariases pulled Victoria out of public school to instruct her at home instead. Everybody thought it was because Victoria was so incredibly smart … but they were wrong. The reason Victoria no longer attended public school was because of her embarrassing personality quirk: she was a great big crybaby.

  The first time it happened was at the start of kindergarten. Victoria was three years old, two years younger than most of the other children. That day, the kindergarten teacher had brought a special treat: Popsicles! Victoria’s favorite color was blue. She wanted a blue raspberry Popsicle, but instead she received a red cherry Popsicle. She stared at the red Popsicle, refusing to eat it, watching it drip, drip, drip onto the carpet.

  “Why don’t you eat your Popsicle, Victoria?” Mrs. Lewinsky asked kindly.

  “I wanted a blue Popsicle,” Victoria answered.

  “I know, but we ran out of blue Popsicles,” Mrs. Lewinsky said.